What It Means To Me

When my friend Emily mentioned that I should start a blog I was hesitant. I didn't know if I should or what I would say. I am more of a private kind of girl. I keep things to myself and normally just talk to Walker, my mom, my dad, brother, sister, or grandma about things. I am not a very opened. I love writing in my journal about my experiences because I think it is important to remember all the good and not so good things that happen in my life. So when Emily was helping me back in October she asked me to think of a title that I would want to use for the blog. I wanted it to be one where it meant something to me and wanted it not to sound dumb. A few months had passed and I still couldn't think of one. I got on Facebook and saw that she had sent me a message and told me to check it out and see what I thought about it.. It was perfect! I loved the title... IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL. I instantly got chills and thought to myself... this is perfect in so many ways! It made my head start thinking up a storm!

I thought how lucky am I to have a special angel watching over me. Ever since I was pregnant I realized I had a big role to take on! I had to wrap this little angel up in my arms and protect him and to show him everything he needs to know in life to succeed. I was up most certainly up for the challenge. When Manti passed away, the roles reversed. I was now in the arms on an angel. I knew he would be teaching me how to be successful throughout this trial and in my life journeys . When I was in labor I thought to myself I can't do this! I can't begin to start pushing I am too weak! When I was thinking those thoughts I remember the feeling that came over me. It was the strongest feeling that I have ever felt. It was a feeling of encouragement and faith. It was the warmest most special touch I have ever felt. I heard faint soft voice say to me "You can do this mom! You got this... I am right here with you." After that moment I was ready and stronger then ever! I had everyone important to me in that room with me helping my overcome a difficult challenge. I pushed for a short 18 minutes and Manti was here. I felt like I could keep going. In that moment I felt like I was invincible and nothing could stop me. There I was in tears holding a perfect little lifeless body. I could feel Mantis strong spirit there with me, Holding me and protecting me. In that moment I knew that as Walker and I were looking at Manti's body he was there looking at us with his spirit. 

 There has been many times that I have felt the arms of my angel begin to wrap his around me and comfort me in times of hurt and in need. This is not the plan that I wanted or ever thought would happen to me but, its the plan that I get. I have accepted it and I will continue to accept it and learn from it. I will keep moving forward and strive to live the best me so I can be able be with Manti again. I am waiting for the day that I can be able to be the one that wraps my arms around my angel but, for now I am perfectly content knowing that I am now in the arms of an angel.