So many days I feel lost and confused. I have a million questions in my head. Like, why me? What did I do wrong? Is this real life? When will I see my baby? Will I ever be happy again? The questions are on going all day long. I often pray for guidance and comfort throughout my day. I always try my hardest to have a good day but, that doesn't happen very often. I always feel sad even when I am happy. I want to be me again. I am finding a new me, the me that I thought was never in me. I have found a stronger me. I am learning a new kind of happy. I am learning that it is ok to be sad and happy all at the same time. I am learning that it is ok to cry... even in the middle of the store! But the most important thing I have learned is to never give up! There are so many days that I just want to give up and stay in my bed all day long for the rest of my life. There are still many days I lay in bed for the majority of the day and I lay and wonder if the day will ever end so I can try again tomorrow. I am so grateful for my caring loving husband Walker who has done all he can to get me out of bed and out of the house to refresh my mind and realize that I am ok and everything is going to be ok. I am so sad but, I will be ok. I am finding a new happy ever so slowly but surely.
Oh, Rachel, I love you so much! I'm so glad you're part of our family. It just feels like you've always been part of it! I love your blog. Great idea! Thank you for sharing it!
ReplyDeleteYou sweet girl! I'm happy you are sharing yourself through this blog. It will be cathartic for you.... I know in my darkest days, writing-journaling was very helpful. You are so right about finding that you can be happy and sad at the same time. When we go through life altering experiences, that is exactly how we figure it all out. By learning to live and love and find joy in spite of that ever present sadness... that deep empty hole never quite goes away, but we learn to dance around it. It becomes part of who we are and adds a depth of strength, courage, and empathy that enhances our spiritual and eternal progress. You are blessed with wonderful family and people in your life to walk this path with you.... sometimes it seems so hard to reach out, but when you do you will always find lifting, loving and willing hands. Love you! And keep writing!
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