Happy Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THIS PRECIOUS BOY!!!

On April 16, 2013 at 8:18 AM Manti Cody Harris was born. What a happy day it was for our family! We we so excited to finally see what he looked like! It was the best day... EVER! I was finally a mother to a perfect little boy! It was a terribly sad day but it was a happy day too! Walker and I were finally parents! 

Right before Manti arrived my doctor asked me if I wanted her to put Manti on my chest or take him and clean him up first I immediately told her to put him on my chest. I remember when she put him there I had a little panic attack because at that moment in time I realized Manti wasn't alive. There I was holding my son that wasn't moving, breathing, or crying. He was cold and pale, everything about him was limp. I didn't know how to take it. I told her I was done and to take him and do what they needed because I needed time to realize what just happened. After I took a moment to take it all in I was ready to get in all the snuggles I could! 

That day was long. VERY LONG! We had doctors and nurse in and out asking questions I didn't want to answer. All I wanted was to have time with Walker and Manti. We dressed him, talked to him, and loved him. We took this sucky situation and made it the best we could. We loved every minute we had with him.

Today April 16, 2014 we celebrated Manti's birthday with the ones we love! We couldn't be more blessed to have the family we have! They are so grate to us. We made it the best we could. Walker and I went to the temple... because lets be honest where else can you feel that close to heaven.. No where I know! We loved the spirit we felt there and we were all smiles the whole time! We love the temple!

We went to the cemetery and sent a ballon up to heaven so Manti could read messages from all of us!

and back to our house for a little birthday dinner and cake! We sang happy birthday to him like he was there... I would have to say it was a successful birthday.

I thought waking up this morning was going to be impossible. I thought to myself... how could I possibly get through this day? With faith and prayer it happened. I woke up an felt so calm. The peace and spirit in our home was so strong. We had a very good day... a few tears were shed (but it wouldn't be normal if there wasn't, right?)  

As I lay here tonight in bed I am thinking about last year at this time... I was in the same spot laying next to Walker thinking about what just happened. I was in pain mentally, physically, and emotionally. I had no baby to hold, no one to feed, no ones diaper to change, no waking up in the middle of the night to see if my baby was ok (well I did wake up to check on Walker... but that's different.) I had nothing to look forward to. I was running on empty. Now I lay here filling that same kind of empty... no baby to snuggle, no one to tuck in, and no one to get up to check on. My heart beats hard and fast as I lay here and do what I do every night. I nicely lay all Manti's blankets  that we wrapped him up in all around me so I can feel his warmth and I stare at the picture on the wall by our bed of him and I close my eyes and pray for another day of guidance and strength. I love being able to feel so close to my sweet boy and I am thankful for the love I have for Manti and for the love that he has for me!