Its this special boys birthday week! My heck! It has been a looooonnng year for Walker and I... Many days full of tears, some full of laughter, and everyday full of love. We have came a long way with this trail and have expected it. We couldn't be happier to have a little special spirit with us at all times! We miss Manti EVERYDAY(totally a given) but, we know that he is with us always! This month has been hard for Walker and I. Many days and nights we catch each other crying or feeling sad and we are right there for each other to be that support that we need. Walker always knows how to comfort me in my times of heartache.
I often think I can not go another day because I miss Manti so much. I think to myself... why me? Why do I have to be a mother that had to barrie a child? Why couldn't it have been another person? I am doing everything that I am suppose to be doing and this had to happen to me? Many questions race through my mind and minutes later I get an overwhelming feeling almost like a rush to flush out all the bad thoughts and I hear a faint voice say to me... "because you are strong and you can do this. Keep pushing to do your best and to be the best you can. You got this, I love you mom." This month that little phrase has kept me going. I can do this, I got this, because I am strong.
This trial hasn't been easy but it sure has taught me so much. I am grateful for a family that loves me and is patient with me. I am happy to know that I can always count on them for comfort. I am blessed to have a husband that shows his love in every way that he can! He knows when I am hurting and does everything he can to make it ok... even if it is just for a little while. I am so beyond rewarded to be a mother of a special child. A child that has taught me so much even though he isn't on this earth. A child that will forever be mine.
Rachel-my heart is so touched by your words and your courage. I had many of those same thoughts when my Brooke Anne was little...still do occasionally. Why me? Why her? Can I possibly be the best choice to be the mom of this special child? Then I feel the comfort of the spirit...you are strong, you were chosen to be her mom and she was chosen to come to earth with this protective shield-her disabilities in this world protect her very magnificent spirit. This is what I believe of Manti also...his spirit is just so magnificent he earned his place at God's side before he came here for his body. And you and Walker are very choice spirits....valiant enough to give your son his body and through the sorrow and struggle you are courageous enough to cling to the knowledge that all is well....you will see him and hold him again in all his perfection. And through your faith you will hear as the Savior comforts you, "well done my good and faithful children". Love you both...and Happy Birthday precious angel.
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