I’ll tell ya what! It is tough work being a mother to a stillborn.
It takes a
lot out of you and you always have to put a lot into the problem to make it
the best situation possible. It takes a lot of steps to be able to make it
through and move forward.There are so many emotions that come with it
that you can barley handle them at times! You don’t know what to say or how to
feel sometimes. Whether to be happy that you have a special angel watching over
you or if you should be mad with everything surrounding you or to feel angry
because you feel like it shouldn’t have happened to you. Your mind goes crazy
with emotions and hormones! These are a few of my steps I have made to better myself throughout the unthinkable thing that has happened to me, and the journey that is now part of my life.
First you have to have COURAGE. You
have to have the ability and willingness to comfort any fear or pain that comes
in your path. One of the fears I face A LOT is getting pregnant again and going
through this all over again. But I keep telling myself you did it once you can
do it again. Knowing that there will be days where you feel much pain always
know that there is going to be a day of happiness and love.
Second you have to STRENGTH. You
have to be strong in all that you face.
Keep pushing to do your best even on your weakest days. Some days are
hard to keep good strength but I have found that if you just keep on
pushing you will realize that you have more strength then you ever imaged you
had.
Third you have to have FAITH. You have to have confidence and trust in the
Lord that he will guide you. Everyday is different you never know how you are
going to feel. From experience if you keep close to the Lord he will help you
along the way.
Fourth you have to have HOPE. You
need to have the desire to be positive with the outcome of your trial. Sometime
it is hard to have the hope that you need to. If you continue to have hope
blessing will be sure to come your way.
Fifth you have to have LOVE. You
have to know that many people love you and you also have to be willing to them love
back. There are so many people that have
loved me and I have loved them back and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I
could burst with joy when I think of all the people that have loved me. I love
to feel the love that people have shown me over the past little while. It has
been the best kind of love… like ever!
Sixth you have to have CONFIDENCE.
You have to be able to let your self-confidence shine. When the word got out
that Manti passed away I was worried what people might say, I didn’t know what they thought about me. I felt like I was in the spotlight and I was the talk of
the town. Everywhere I went I could feel people staring at me and knowing that
they were talking about how I was the girl that just lost a child. They wanted
to say something to me but just didn’t know what to say. They were just as
scared as I was to talk about it. I had to let my confidence over take the
power of me being scared and let it all out! I love talking about my experience
and how it has made me a better person with greater strength and confidence and
an awesome outlook on life.
Seventh you have to have TRUST.
Trust in yourself that you can get through your trial. Know that you will be
OK. Trust in the Lord. Let him guide you! I have had many days where I have put
my trust in the Lord and said many prayers to help me get through the day.
Eighth you have to learn to be
HAPPY. Being happy has been a rough one for me. I am learning what it means to
find a new kind of happy. It is hard to smile and be happy when inside I am
breaking and sad. But every day I continue to find my new kind of happy and
showing people that it is OK to be happy even when you are hurting and sad
98.3% of the time.
Ninth you have to have KNOWLEDGE.
You have know that even through hard times there are so many people that are
willing and wanting to help you! There has been many people that have helped me
and loved me and I feel so blessed to have the in my life. I am also so grateful to know that there is
life after death and I can be able to with me sweet boy again someday!
Tenth you have to have the right
ATTITUDE. I really believe that having a good attitude helps you get through
such a rough trial. When Manti passed away and my whole family was together my
little cousin Noah went up to my grandma who had tears in her eyes and said,
“Grandma you can be happy or sad--- It is your choice” Wise words from a 3 year
old! We have that choice and we can either be happy or sad… On days when my
attitude isn’t the best I think about what Noah taught my grandma that day, I
think I have the choice to either be happy or sad it is all about your attitude
and how you accept it.
Everyday as I wake up I am ready to take on another day
full of ups and downs. One of my favorite songs in the LDS Hymn book is Count
Your Many Blessings and the fourth verse says:
So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort
give you to your journey's end.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath
done
I LOVE LOVE LOVE
that verse! It brings comfort to me knowing that God is always with us during
great or small trials. We always need to remember to count our many blessings
and be thankful that we have so many great blessings in our lives! I have so
many blessings to count and will continue to count them as my journey
continues.
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